A Geisha In A Past Life

Note: Yes, it's a catharsis. So if you have little patience for cathartic attacks, then don't read. 10- The Hitlers of my life My number one excuse, even though I think it isn’t really the number one cause. But yeah, it contributed a lot. How can I meet guys when I was expected not to have a boyfriend until I finished my college years? How can I meet guys when my curfew is 6 pm (was adjusted when I had a 7 pm class)? How can guys be attracted to me when every time they even try to bat an eyelash at me, my mom’s throwing them spear eyes? How can guys have the guts to court me (if they really want of course) when every time I talk about a guy in front of my parents during my peak years (college years), my dad always says, “Pang-sampu yan.” (Pang-sampu sa bibitayin niya and it keeps on adding and adding and adding.) Right now, I think it’s “Pang-labimpito” na. Dads. Moms. 9- When guys look into my eyes, they see my...

Isang oras. Ang sabi mo, isang oras lang ako maghihintay sa'yo. Manggagaling ka pa kamo sa malayo. Traffic. Wala kang masakyan. Samu't saring mga dahilan, sige tinatanggap ko. Basta isang oras. Isang oras lang. Uupo lang ako, magmamasid, sisipol, kakanta. Kahit ano'ng pampalipas oras gagawin ko. Matagal tagal rin ako'ng maghihintay. Langgamin man ako. Papakin man ako ng lamok. Sige, iindahin ko. Basta maghihintay ako ng isang oras. Isang oras ha? Dalampu't walong beses na ko tumitingin sa relos ko. Tila kay bagal ng pagtakbo ng oras. Sa bawat paggalaw ng mahabang kamay ng orasan, naririnig ko. Dahil kada segundong lumilipas, bumibilis ang paghinga ko. Papalapit ng papalapit ang pagkikita natin. At kahit nauumay na ko panuorin ang magkasintahan sa gilid ko na kanina pa nagpapalitan ng laway, sige kakayanin ko. Basta maghihintay ako ng isang oras. Isang oras... daw. Nagdududa na ko. Parang napakabagal talaga ng pagp...

You're the worst dream that ever grazed my psyche. Cause for the first time in my entire lives and loves; I thought you were real. That I will be able to paint you and turn you into reality. But no. I wasted my canvas, my paints, my time, my efforts, and my attention. You're just another one of those dreams that fade into nothingness after giving me a very short time to be happy. Your silence was the worst way of ending it with me. It was the deadliest weapon for emotional blackmail. Goodbye may be stronger than I love you, but saying goodbye (specially abrupt goodbye) without saying I love you is the coward's way out. Goes to show what you are-- you've chosen that path. You are Ares personified-- murderous and bloodstained (mythnet)--yes you are; handsomest Greek God-- yes you are; a coward; INDEED you are. Damn you for making me feel this way. Damn me for letting you make me feel this way.