A Geisha In A Past Life

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Isang oras. Ang sabi mo, isang oras lang ako maghihintay sa'yo. Manggagaling ka pa kamo sa malayo. Traffic. Wala kang masakyan. Samu't saring mga dahilan, sige tinatanggap ko. Basta isang oras. Isang oras lang. Uupo lang ako, magmamasid, sisipol, kakanta. Kahit ano'ng pampalipas oras gagawin ko. Matagal tagal rin ako'ng maghihintay. Langgamin man ako. Papakin man ako ng lamok. Sige, iindahin ko. Basta maghihintay ako ng isang oras. Isang oras ha? Dalampu't walong beses na ko tumitingin sa relos ko. Tila kay bagal ng pagtakbo ng oras. Sa bawat paggalaw ng mahabang kamay ng orasan, naririnig ko. Dahil kada segundong lumilipas, bumibilis ang paghinga ko. Papalapit ng papalapit ang pagkikita natin. At kahit nauumay na ko panuorin ang magkasintahan sa gilid ko na kanina pa nagpapalitan ng laway, sige kakayanin ko. Basta maghihintay ako ng isang oras. Isang oras... daw. Nagdududa na ko. Parang napakabagal talaga ng pagp...

You're the worst dream that ever grazed my psyche. Cause for the first time in my entire lives and loves; I thought you were real. That I will be able to paint you and turn you into reality. But no. I wasted my canvas, my paints, my time, my efforts, and my attention. You're just another one of those dreams that fade into nothingness after giving me a very short time to be happy. Your silence was the worst way of ending it with me. It was the deadliest weapon for emotional blackmail. Goodbye may be stronger than I love you, but saying goodbye (specially abrupt goodbye) without saying I love you is the coward's way out. Goes to show what you are-- you've chosen that path. You are Ares personified-- murderous and bloodstained (mythnet)--yes you are; handsomest Greek God-- yes you are; a coward; INDEED you are. Damn you for making me feel this way. Damn me for letting you make me feel this way.

I hate feeling confused. I hate not knowing what to do. I hate not knowing how to explain how I feel. And it's all because of you. Why are you so complicated? You're even more confusing than the mind of my cousin, whom we think lives in a world of his own. You are complexity defined. F*ck the opinions of others. I don't freaking care. Futile reasons and hidden emotional melodrama. They are tinting you from me. My little cathartic attacks dissolve my verbal filters. Vebal Diarrhea, here we come! Yeah, I know. Confusing as hell. Now we're even. Revenge is indeed bittersweet. Damn. I hate this type of feeling. I need to get rid of this. Shucks, I can't.

The stares. Meant nothing. The sideway glances. Meant nothing. The words written. Meant nothing. Nothing. Fate killed them all. Fate, interrupted. Destiny, forever twisted. My fate in love. Doomed. Dead. I cried. Again.

TAMANG PAGKAKAMALI Nakakatawa. Parang kailan lang nang iniisip ko na ikaw ang mundo ko, hindi lang ang sentro nito. Isa yung malaking pagkakamali na ipinipilit kong tama para sa’yo. Para sa atin. Pero hindi,e. Kahit balibaligtarin ko ang mundo, ang isang katulad mo ay isa lang pagkakamali. Na minsang tumama sa buhay ko para gawin itong tama na mali rin pala sa huli. Oo. Magulo ito. Kailan ba ko hindi naging magulo? Gusto ko yung magulo talaga ako para naguguluhan din ang mga tao sa akin at makalusot ako. Alam mo, kailangan ko nang itama ang mali. Kaya ito, itinatama ko na. Marami nga ang nagtataka… kailan ko ba daw pa napagtanto na ang inaakala kong tama ay mali pala talaga? Sabi ko na lang sa kanila… “.. nangyari ito ng tumama na ang mali.” Ayon. Nagsitaasan ang mga kilay. Hindi na naman nila ako naiintindihan. Mabuti naman. Mas maganda yun. Mas naikukubli ang dapat ikubli. Hindi naman dahil sa naglilihim, pero may mga tao kasing kahit buhay ng iba, pinagpipiyestahan pa kaya g...

GUILTY: MURDER WITH HOMICIDE This will be the headline for tomorrow’s news. Suspect: Kat Saba. Crime committed: Murder with homicide. Victim: Fate/Destiny. They go by two names. The real one is Destiny. Fate is her alterego. Destiny is suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder or what is popularly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. Destiny loves running my life by interfering with everything. If she had gone too far to her interfering, Fate takes over and does worse than Destiny did. I hate them both. A while ago was my last straw. I killed them. Killed them. Argghh. If only I could and if only it isn’t wrong to kill, I’ll really kill them. I’m tired of their games. Their games that I don’t want to play. I’m tired. Just so tired. I just want to hide forever. I don’t want to be teased again and again. I don’t like history repeating itself. Not especially that kind of history. It’s a perfunctory attempt to defy me, I know. A PERFUNCTORY ATTEMPT. Fate and Destiny just like defyin...